Context Setting: a Gentle Practice to Connect with Yourself in Challenging Spaces

The festive season can bring up a mix of emotions for many LGBTQ+ people. While it’s often portrayed as a time of warmth and togetherness, the reality can feel very different, especially if you’re returning to spaces where your identity hasn’t always been affirmed.

In this blog, one of our volunteer counsellors shares a gentle, grounding practice to help you stay connected to yourself when the season feels complicated.

What might come up for you this season

My name is Zaid (he/him) and I’m one of the volunteer counsellors here at LGBT Health and Wellbeing.

I wanted to share something that feels important at this time of year, especially for LGBTQ+ people who carry a whole mix of feelings into the festive season. For many, this isn’t a cosy, movie-style time, but can actually mean going back into spaces where you weren’t fully seen. Where you learned to hide parts of yourself. Where your identity was dismissed, debated, or flat-out ignored.

Your body remembers what it had to do in those spaces. You’re not imagining it and you’re not ‘being dramatic.’ Your nervous system remembers the conditions it survived.

That’s why being home, or being around certain family members, or even stepping back into old routines can make you feel tense or on high alert. It’s not regression, it’s recognition.

And because of that, sometimes the most realistic thing you can do is offer your body small, steady cues that you’re allowed to exist as yourself, even if the environment is complicated.

What context setting is (and why it helps)

Context setting is basically using small environmental cues to remind your brain what this moment is. Almost like saying:

“I’m here. I’m me. Right now is different from back then.”

It could be a smell you like, a certain kind of light, or a familiar texture.

These things don’t magically fix the situation, but they might just help your nervous system feel a little less alone inside it.

For me, it’s a soft mustard light, a specific incense, and camomile tea. Somehow those three things tell my nervous system, “okay, breathe now.” It doesn’t change the world, it just helps me land in my own body.

Here are a few things that might work for you:

• Soft lighting
• A scent you enjoy
• A warm drink
• A grounding fabric (sleeve, scarf, blanket)
• A corner where you feel less visible
• Music or sound that belongs to yourworld

And if you don’t have space to make any of this happen, there are internal cues too: a song you hum in your head, or a phrase you repeat silently. There’s always something that’s yours.

A quick grounding moment

If things feel overwhelming, try this:

Put your hand on something solid. Notice the texture for three slow breaths.

That’s it.

Not to shut down your feelings.

Not to pretend you’re okay.

Just to give your nervous system one stable point to land on, especially if you can’t leave the table, the room, or the conversation.

Sometimes that tiny bit of contact is enough to help your body stay with you.

If you hear hurtful or dismissive comments

This time of the year can mean being stuck listening to jokes, throwaway comments, or conversations that sting.

Even if they aren’t aimed directly at you, your body will probably notice them.

If you can step away, even for a minute, that’s okay.

If you can’t, that’s okay too, you’re not doing anything wrong.

A phrase you can use (out loud or silently):

“That’s too much for me today.”

And afterwards, if you need something grounding:

“There’s nothing wrong with me for finding this hard. It makes sense.”

Because it absolutely does. You didn’t create this dynamic.

Different things settle different bodies, so it’s worth noticing what you naturally reach for.

Try asking yourself:

• What colours or lights help me soften a little?
• What textures feel steady?
• What scent says, “I’m okay in this moment”?
• Is there a small item I can carry that brings me back to myself?
• What helps me feel like me when the environment pushes me toward who I used to be?

There’s no right answer here, just gentle noticing. You might already be doing some of this without naming it, like choosing a hoodie, putting on headphones, picking a seat where you feel less exposed.

As you move through this season

You might not be able to change the situation you’re stepping into. Families, traditions, power dynamics are complicated, and you didn’t create them.

But you can still build tiny anchors that help you stay connected to yourself. The version of you that exists outside of those old spaces.

You deserve gentleness, especially now, and support that doesn’t expect you to make the best of a difficult situation. I hope you can find small pockets of grounding.